dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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