It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
