I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
