If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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