he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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