just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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