I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
