and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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