I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
