i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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