I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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