Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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