You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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