So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
