So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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