The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize