One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
