in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
