you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A bitchslap is in order.
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