put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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