Walk of Shame. In a state park.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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