The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
