you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
