he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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