I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I smell stomach acid.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
