Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
