I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
