Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
