do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
