Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
