either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
