Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sarcasm needs its own font
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
