I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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