One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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