Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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