Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
