its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
