he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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