i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
