Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've blown a few things in my day
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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