Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
