Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
