Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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