he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
