3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
