How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
