not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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