The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
