my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
