The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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