She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
