I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
