3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
