she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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