Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
