my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if i died would you start the facebook group?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
