WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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