I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
