i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
