I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize