Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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