you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
