he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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