the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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