Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
