if you like me you must not know who I am
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
