i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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