Sry I called you an 8
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just invented taco cereal.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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