He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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