he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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