I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
