dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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