Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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