Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
