no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
